“Your Father is very disappointed in you”. This was the topic of the last conversation I had with my Mother. Mom is a 71 year old woman of sound mind and her intentions were clear. She was letting me in on the reason my Father was acting so cold to me for the previous six weeks. At the heart of the matter is that Father no longer approves of my lifestyle.
You may be wondering what horrible deed could cause a Father to disrespect a son. Did I commit murder, was I arrested for robbery, or is my chosen profession that of a hitman. What I did do, is, I finally came out of the closet.
From an early age I was raised in a strict Orthodox environment. I was sent to religious schools since kindergarten and was instructed in the laws of god. At home i was expected to follow the laws and as I got older took on more of the many of the obligations and responsibilities of someone seriously practicing religion. The message drummed into me from a very young age and imprinted into my psyche was you better do these things or god was going to punish you.
During my teenage years I began to seriously question the legitimacy of these practices. I naturally gravitated toward friends who were from homes that were not as religiously strict as mine. When I became vocal about my objections Father knew exactly what to do to put me back on course. Verbal abuse was his specialty. Because if you make a child feel that they are worthless it becomes easier to control them. Father never truly addressed my concerns with religion, but made sure I knew that I was a complete screw up for thinking the way I did.
As a result of this upbringing I comply with my religious obligations until age 50, when I decide to “come out of the closet”. For all those years I was living a life of a lie. At no time was I comfortable with religious people, or any of their ideologies.
You see Rabbi Sacks, with all due respect for your position and your intelligence, I was never ashamed to wear a yarmulka or to walk proudly as a jew. Truthfully I just never wanted to. After all the education, and all the training I simply do not believe in your or my families “version” of religion, or anyone else’s “version” of religion for that matter. The great jews you mention in your speech about jewish pride, as you know, most of them do not identify themselves with the jewish religion.
As a result of my upbringing and what I learnt, the only logical position for me is a complete rejection of everything religious. The challenge for you and all great religious leaders is to realize that the values and ideology that you all hold dear are not for everyone. What puzzles me is that you seem to insinuate in your talk that there is a connection between lack of jewish pride and refusal to comply. I would bet that there are many people like myself who are not comfortable with the religious lifestyle they are immersed in. We are people who are deeply conflicted between what were taught at a very young age to be truth and our personal sense of integrity that now as adults differ.
The statement you make about non-Jewish people respecting jews who follow their religion, is true, in so doing they also poses a level of integrity and caring for all people. I believe that any human being is capable of possessing a moral compass which will enrich the lives of those around him. The level of personal integrity and the commitment to achieving these goals is naturally respected. As a religious leader I know that you support the position that respect and dignity should be practiced equaly to all and would never tolerate the abuses I have witnessed and been subjected to.
Rabbi Sacks, what I realize today is that my Father is simply following the example set by the god of the old testament. The conditional love of the jewish god is clear to any student of the Torah. To my Father i am nothing more than a rebellious, wicked son. and living in the time of the first temple I would be stoned in public. His last words to me was to repent.
My children know that regardless of their choices in life we will love them unconditionally. My god would be one that loved all human beings unconditionally and did not play favorites amongst the nations. This example emulated by all humans might bring us to a place where all religions would be unnecessary.
Big Brother Burt is responding to Rabbi Jonathan Sacks speech on Jewish Pride at Chabad.org. Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks is the former Chief Rabbi of The British Commonwealth.