Since my teen age years I have struggled with faith. Too many contradictions. No matter how absurd an idea, religious people go to any length to defend the absurdity in the name of some diety.
So to religious mentors whom I trusted I posed the obvious question.
To my surprise no one disagreed that there were many people committed to a religious lifestyle who in fact behaved very poorly. What I was told is that the laws of the torah were pure and that the way “imperfect” people behave is of no consequence to the truth of gods laws.
At the time, that logic seemed to make sense to me. God and his religion is separate from the actions and behaviors of his faithful.
For many years since then I have adhered to what is known today as a modern orthodox lifestyle. While outwardly I went through the motions and followed the rules, inside I was always unsettled. The most telling sign of my thinly veiled commitment was that both my male children saw through the facade and completely rejected the faith in their lives.
Life if anything is interesting. I now succumbed to the the mid century mark in my life, and I ask myself some serious questions. What is the motivation behind what I am doing concerning religion.
Adults living in a free society, participate in various activities because they either enjoy the activity or believe the effort will benefit them in some manner.
When it comes to faith I was told at a very young impressionable age that this is the correct way. Years of education and training followed which equipped me to perform the many tasks and obligations of the jewish religion. Additionally being in compliance with these rules and laws, would bring about a “reward” while failure to comply would result in some kind of detriment. While jewish theology is not as clear as other religions to the exact nature of this punishment/rewarding, it is made clear that there is an accounting and that it may follow you into the afterlife.
What also becomes painfully clear is that many adherents to religious obligations through some special relationship with god, are afforded dispensation to mistreat and abuse others. While I have witnessed this from the inside of my old faith, it is surely a theme practiced in spades in Christianity and Islam. As religious faithful feel that they have a right to harm others in the name of god.
Oh so sorry, I forgot, God’s pure rules and laws have nothing to do with the behaviors of his followers.
So because someone implanted certain ides in my psyche at a young impressionable age, does that mean I should continue living the lifestyle? At that same age I was taught to walk and use the bathroom, and yet to this day I continue to walk and use the toilet because I see value in doing so. I no longer see value in watching Sesame Street, and like Sesame Street I fail to see the value in my religious training and theology.
If there is a god that monitors our deeds and doles out reward and punishment in this world or an afterlife, there is certainly no human on earth who can prove it.
To justify faith, adherents must make a “Leap of Faith”. No metric, or performance data is required to test the objective benefits of these practices. Can you imagine a drug company presenting an untestable compound to the FDA and telling the committees just to believe. Now if you were really bright you could probably market this compound successfully in the 16th century, but today you would need a good attorney to defend you in court.
Science works because its very nature lends itself to testing and self critique. At best, religious success can be compared to a successful placebo. Great stuff for the 16th century and back, but today? What other human endeavor would be tolerated now at the success rate of placebo effect?
So are there benefits to religion. I believe there are. Prayer, meditation and ritual can be be powerful motivators in peoples lives. Judaism is filled with powerful stories, allegories and which can be instrumental and helpful when dealing with life’s hardships. The dark side to religion is when people create in their minds a personal creator which is at their disposal to fight and champion their causes. When adherents take on the belief that their god and their god given religion is superior to others.
I have no idea whether a creator exists. I tend to believe that there is a greater meaning and purpose to our existence.
I can no longer follow any personal dogma or theology as I can see no evidence that it is nothing more than a man made doctrine. I respect the brilliance and originality that scholars over the centuries have infused into all branches of religious thought. I am also deeply saddened by the behaviors and actions of religious zealots today and in the past as they have made the grave error of believing that their “special relationship” with their personal god, gave them license to harm others.
In this regard I see man made religion, as flawed as the humans who adhere to these dogmas. It makes no sense that god would reveal himself to one people at one time history. It makes perfect sense that in the absence of good science, men create gods to motivate others to fight battles, subjugate enemies, and give meaning to their lives.
Sorry father, sorry Rabbi and all those who would be disappointed at my choices in life. I have turned my back on the traditions, rituals and obligations that you hold dear. I have followed my children’s example, and will now take full responsibility for my actions and deeds without the need of divine punishment or reward. If I act ethically and help others in life it is simply because I believe that enhancing my life and those around me is a noble cause and what we were put here to do.
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